I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize