Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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