I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
