we're blogging at a bar
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
