hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize