i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
