i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
