apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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