The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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