i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
