i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
