I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
