I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
