I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
