Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
