do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
