Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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