Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
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