Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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