Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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