we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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