What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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