ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize