obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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