I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
