He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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