Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
