you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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