I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
