at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
