and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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