I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
