You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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