yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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