I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
