Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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