my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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