mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
