My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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