DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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