Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.