He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
