Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo