dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.