don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
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Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.