And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
