Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
