Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
