so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
