So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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