I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
