i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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