Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize