I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize