not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
