Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
