Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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