You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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