Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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