and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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