I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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