I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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