I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
