Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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